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In this episode you will find me unapologetically mixing metaphors… like it or not!
In the wild, female elephants surround a birthing mother elephant in a tightly knit circle to assist and celebrate the new arrival. This behavior isn’t unique to the animal kingdom. Throughout history and across cultures, birthing and mothering women have been surrounded by other wise and loving women who help and lift and love. What happened? Listen to find out why and how to create a safety net of community support for you and your family.
Your comment about not connecting with mom’s who talked about shopping made a light bulb go off. That is me, too.
The first play groups I attended I really struggled to connect with anyone. For the next couple of years, I was able to serve as a relief society president and connect with people through serving them. But it did not feel reciprocal. I remember being sick and crying because I couldn’t find anyone to take one my child for a few hours and feeling so lonely.
I remembered praying for a friend and I found a neighbor who would walk her dog while I pushed my stroller. She was a total godsend. She had one son and struggled with secondary infertility too. She loved to talk about faith and priorities in life. And it was good for a year until she moved.
I felt like I was able to be friendly with the women around me, but there were several years that I accepted not having close friends and just depended on phone calls with my sisters, my mom and my best friend from college. This got me through my family’s IVF years, but looking back we were isolated.
And then we decided to homeschool. The first year was so lonely as I had prepared academically but not knowing how badly I would need a network of friends to get me through. I connected with one woman at a group who had three girls like me who helped me navigate homeschooling while pregnant and suffering prenatal depression. She also helped me seek out genuine friendships with other homeschooling families.
I noticed how much easier it was for me to connect with these moms. We talk about goals, how to build character & strength in your kids, grand and practical ideas… but it was never about shopping, unless it was a about a bargain or where to find something useful.
I still don’t go out with girlfriends independent of my kids but now I am confident that our co-ops and play dates are as much for me as for them 👏🏼
It’s always lonely not having friends but somehow as a mom it seems exponentially worse. Our mom friends are so much more than just someone to “hang out” with. I’m so sorry for your struggles! I so feel your pain. and I’m SO glad you’ve found your people and that I can be one of them. 🙂 Love you!!!
Um, yes. How surprised was I to be mid-thirties and find out I didn’t know how to make friends? Very surprised. A few hard years after moving and now I have new friends and new options for making friends. Thank heaven
Right? It’s so funny how things work out! And yes… thank heaven. 😉
I love how you describe the process of finding your safety net, your people, your elephants! It does take time and effort. What helps me to make that effort, is remembering that everyone is searching and I might be just the person they need in their life as well.
Thank you for sharing your perspective and experiences.
This is a great point! So true! Thank you for sharing.